Growing in Love

I’ve been married for a little over 6 months and I definitely have learned many new things about marriage and my husband. I have a feeling that I will never stop learning and working to have the best marriage we possibly can.

Here are 5 things I have learned over the course of the “newlywed” stage of our marriage:

1. Becoming “We” takes a long timeNot that I assumed that we would just be “one” the second we took our vows, but I didn’t realize how hard it is to change my mindset from me and you to we. I still am selfish and think about myself first a lot more than I should. I have really tried to put Paul into the head of our household role, but sometimes I can play a nasty game of tug and pull. I heard a study once that marriage takes about 7 years to change from a “you and me” mentality to a “we” mentality.

2. Never keep score I learned this all important lesson right away. Paul and I attended a marriage conference about a week after getting married. This “rule” from the conference really stuck with me. I can’t except him to do the dishes since I did last time. If I kept score of every time I did the chores, paid the bills, went home to visit his family, but threw it in his face when things didn’t go my way, then EVERYTHING would be a fight. Not keeping score helps lessen the “battles” that really aren’t even necessary or important.

3. Compromise I love hanging out with my husband, with people in general. I am used to have a gaggle of girls and guys around all the time. In college our apartment was always a-buzz with activity. People playing games, coming over for pizza, chilling and watching movies. I got really used to barely ever being alone.My husband is VERY independent. I think he would be alone for a week and be perfectly fine. We have compromised quite well on this, but sometimes it is still a struggle. I want more attention, he needs some space. Sometimes we just have to give in and give each other more time together or more space, but if we both constantly fought about this, we would not be happy.

4. Learn each others Love Languages I read the 5 Languages of Love book when Paul and I started dating. I immediately knew what my love language was, quality time, but it took me until we got married and moved in together to figure out what Paul was. Paul is acts of service, which, frankly, sucks. I hate cleaning. Lol…sometimes I get a “bug in my pants” and clean the whole house, but I can’t help feeling that cleaning is the biggest chore EVER. I am tired after work and don’t want to spend hours doing laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming, and dusting. BUT, Paul feels more love from me when I keep his “castle” clean. So, I clean, I make his dinner and make sure he is well taken care of. Even though it is not always my favorite, Paul is my favorite. But man, some days I really wish he love language was gifts or affirmation, that would be a whole lot more fun!

5. Grace This I got from Mommy on Fire’s list, but I totally agreed with it. Holding grudges is only going to make for a short, unhappy marriage. Paul and I are learning to forgive. He likes to be more stubborn about mistakes, but he is learning that it isn’t good at all for our marriage. We are also learning not to bring up the past mistakes. No one is perfect, but love is. We need to love each other, fill each other with forgiveness and love even when we don’t feel like it.