Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Psalm 32:5
The end of this verse really sticks out to me, “you forgave the guilt of my sin.” I have always had a problem with guilt. I am the hardest on myself and have a really hard time forgiving myself, whether it is something big or small.
I searched the Bible; really hoping God would speak directly to me and show me how to accept his grace. I fully believe that by his grace I am forgiven, white as snow, but I linger on my own guilt. I want release, acceptance that I am not perfect, but because I have a living Lord, I am made new.
I have a really hard time shedding the old nature. I often do not act like I have been reborn because I carry the weight of my sin on my own shoulders.
I feel like David was writing my thoughts, my pain, and my feelings down. He completely felt like I felt and pleaded with the Lord to not forsake him. David knew that he was a sinner and needed the Lord’s help.
Psalm 38
My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.
5 My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.
6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.
8 I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.
9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.
11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.
12 Those who seek my life set their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they plot deception.
13 I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,
like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;
14 I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.
15 I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.
16 For I said, "Do not let them gloat
or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips."
17 For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.
18 I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.
19 Many are those who are my vigorous enemies;
those who hate me without reason are numerous.
20 Those who repay my good with evil
slander me when I pursue what is good.
21 O LORD, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.
22 Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.
I am going to learn to no longer meditate on the guilt, but recite the hope and grace we are given in truth. If I continue to dwell in my old nature, to look to the negative and always not feel good enough, there is no way that I can show the reason for believing in a loving God. Not forgiving myself is disrespectful to the one who forgives me. I need to live the life I was given instead of being stuck into bonds I shackled myself with.
Psalm 130
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.
therefore you are feared.
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
and in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.
from all their sins.
His burden is light. So glad you are resting in Him. I used to condemn myself for falling short in many areas, even the thought of hidden sin which I may not have been aware of, but one day while struggling with this, God revealed such a vivid picture of His Son on the cross. I will never forget it.
ReplyDeleteI was in my bedroom, the sun was about to hide at dusk and all of a sudden this vision came to me. I cannot put it into words but the peace that came over me was so freeing. The peace was almost palpable. Now whenever I weigh myself down with even the thought of guilt, I always go back to that memory and receive instant peace.
I will tell you one thing about guilt which might help. Guilt actually feeds sin. Guilt feeds addiction and wrong behaviors. Yep. So, in reality it is a trap of the enemy in order to bind us to remain in our sin or shortcomings. Grace (who is Christ Himself) compels us to obedience and holiness because when we see what it/He has accomplished, the burden is light and that frees us to excel-- not because we HAVE TO, but because we WANT TO from a position of gratitude for that which we ourselves could NEVER accomplish.
Hope this helps. I am praying that God will give you a FULL revelation of GRACE and deeply embed it in your heart. You cannot grasp it with the mind because our mind is limited. It must be revealed to your spirit--unlimited. Love and blessings!
Always remember that God convicts...so that we may be forgiven...
ReplyDeleteBut He does not condemn
Others or we ourselves do that and it is sin.
He said there is therefore now no Condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.
I had to walk around a supermarket late one night reciting this verse under my breath and out loud at times after asking for prayer, saying I was very fragile at the time and gave the reason, and one person prayed that I would be delivered from my evangelical beliefs, from my computer and my quilting.
I knew it was not of God for it was condemnation and he know not what he was talking about......but oh it hit hard and I will never forget that supermarket walk.
This is one of my biggest struggles, dealing with guilt over mistakes. I have the head knowledge that I have been forgiven since I am genuinely sorry. But my heart won't let go of the feelings of guilt. Thanks for posting these texts. :)
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