Word-filled Wednesday

God is in Control

“Faith saith not ‘It is good for me, so God must have sent it’,

but

‘God sent it, so it must be good for me”.

by Phillips Brooks

I kinda struggled with this week’s quote. I think a lot of the time our Christian walk is so centered on ourselves. We are thinking what we should do for God, or how God should work in our lives. We tend to act like we are in control and don’t give the reins over to God. I have a really hard time with that myself.

I have to learn that God has a path, a plan for my life. I have the hardest time just sitting, waiting and listening. I constantly feel as though I need to control the situation. When things don’t go my way I have a bad habit of lashing out, almost acting like a “terrible two-year old.” Tears and angry comments sometimes get in the way of seeing that maybe the situation didn’t go my way because it wasn’t God’s plan.

God has a plan for me, God has a path, and He has a destination. I just have to get over myself and know that God is out there for my good. Sometimes I constantly struggle with why I should worship God, why He even bothered to give us free will when we need to choose to worship and believe in Him to go to Heaven. But then I realize that it is just more than choosing whether or not to believe. It is choosing to really grow in that relationship, to develop and fully come into his presence.

I think of God a lot as a father. I am his child and there is nothing I can do to get around that. I could choose not to associate with my father, my creator, if I wanted to, but he would still be my father. Or, I can accept him as my father and choose to learn from him, to play baseball with him, to learn how to grill, to listen to his stories and watch him work. If I chose not to accept my father I would be missing out on all these experiences, and even more important, I would be missing out on a loving relationship.

I am God’s child and need to let him guide. I will stop, be silent, listen and follow.

To view other perspectives on this In Other Words quote, please visit our hostess this week Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts.

Fruit of the Spirit

Summer is approaching. We can finally stay outside for the afternoon, enough the sunshine on our backs and the warmth of the day. Even night is more appealing, no longer as frigid as it is during the freezing cold winter nights here in Minnesota. Summer makes a sense of freedom come alive.
Spring and summer also signal the growth of new life around us. I planted some seedlings last night and am excited to see they grow, to become stronger and to bear fruit that will sustain us during the upcoming months.

These seedlings also made me look into my own life. God has been planting seedlings in my own life, more so as I have been fully seeking Him during this Lent season. As I continue to grow the fruits will also be grown in me. Hopefully I can one day walk in Jesus’ shoes, see with his eyes and heart.

My theme verse for the summer will be Galatians 5:22-23. I hope that as I continue to grow in my spiritual life the fruit of the spirit will embody who I am.

Walking by Faith

The last two years of my life have been full of unanswered questions. We lost my step-father about 2 years ago from cancer. We found out he was sick in May and he was taken to heaven the end of August. He was a God-fearing man, loved the Lord, involved in the church and he was also very healthy. He didn’t drink, smoke and exercised a lot.


It was really hard to understand why the Lord chose to take Gary home when it seems like there are so many unhealthy, unloving, cruel people out there that live full lives. It was good knowing that he was going home and would be in a better place, but it didn’t seem fair that we were left with a whole while there are still so many evil and uncaring people walking around.

Jeremy Camp has always been an inspiration to me and his song “Walk by Faith” has been a centering part of my walk. I have to know that his hand will guide my way and that even when we cannot see he is preparing a way for me.

Rest

I have felt so off beat this week. I have been really working on getting closer to God, improving my relationship with Him. But somehow I am starting to feel more and more disconnected from those around me. I know that we are supposed to be apart from this world, but I still feel as though we are supposed to enjoy the time we are given here. I am not sure if it is just me and I’m just having “one of those weeks” but this morning I was checking my twitter and Jeremy Camp (amazing artist and follower) quoted:


“Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxieties; see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. “Psalm 139:23-24

I always have such a hard time letting go of my burdens and just resting in God’s love. I am actually not even sure how to do it. It has been part of my prayers lately, that I would find rest in Him. I have always had such an active, and sadly enough, guilty mind. I can seem to find guilt in almost every situation. Guilt has been the devils foothold in my life for years. I am trying to learn how to forgive myself, because myself is the hardest person for me to forgive.

“Come to me and find rest.” That is my utmost desire. I don’t want to worry anymore, I don’t want to overanalyze. I just want to follow in His footsteps, hold his hand and know that I will be fine, no matter what may be in my path. I want peace in chaos, joy in struggles, and hope in turmoil.

Give me your eyes

The more and more I read God’s work, delve into books about having a relationship with God, the more I have realized how amazingly different each on of us is. God truly spent amazing amounts of time on each of us and I am really working to try to look at people through God’s eyes.
I have found a few other Christian women bloggers and yesterday a couple of them wrote about this quote:

“Don’t waste your life trying to fit into a “gift box” that feels too big or too small.

Your God-given gift perfectly fits your personality

and is your purpose and position to win victory.”

I personally struggle with this every day. I know that I constantly look at the women around me and wish that I look more like they did. I wish that I was skinnier, my face was clearer, I looked better in my clothes, my face was shaped differently. I can’t imagine how this makes the One who created me feel. I am constantly putting down his art. I know that it hurts to hear people talk about my photography negatively, so why should I inflict that on other people.

I also know that I am too good at judging those around me. Snide comments enter my head when I am walking down the street and see an overweight woman or a man wearing mismatched clothing. I don’t stop to think of them as art or think about the One who created them. I just judge them in passing and never bother to give a second glance.

This has to stop. We are called to encourage each other, to build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11) not to destroy each other by picking out faults. We see the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eyes but fail to notice the plank in our own (Matthew 7:3-5).

I am hoping that as I pray and focus on God’s words He will lead me to seeing people for who he created them to be. They may be doing amazing things in their lives for the others around them, they may be showing Jesus for who he truly is, but I am too focused on their clothing to even notice the difference they are making for the kingdom.
I have listened to this song by Brandon Heath a lot. I think it is wisdom that each one of us needs.
Give me your eyes, Brandon Heath.

Look down from a broken sky


Traced out by the city lights


My world from a mile high


Best seat in the house tonight


Touch down on the cold black top


Hold on for the sudden stop


Breath in the familiar shock


Of confusion and chaos


All those people going somewhere


Why have I never cared


Give me your eyes so I can see


Everything that I keep missing


Give me your love for humanity


Give me your arms for the broken hearted


The ones that are far beyond my reach


Give me you heart for the ones forgotten


Give me your eyes so I can see


Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah


Step out on a busy street


See a girl and our eyes meet


Does her best to smile at me


To hide what’s underneath


There's a man just to her right


Black suit and a bright red tie


Too ashamed to tell his wife


He's out of work, He's buying time


I’ve been here a million times


A couple of million eyes


Just move and pass me by


I swear I never thought that I was wrong


I need a second glance


Give me a second chance


To see the way you’ve seen the people all along

Drawing closer

Sometimes the hardest part about finding God, really understanding him is religion. The people, humans, here on earth have this idea of who they believe God to be and they promote their propaganda as being the truth, the reality of who God really is.


I have read quite a few books, heard more sermons than I can count and are scouring through the bible during this journey of Lent because I am truly seeking who God is.

Sometimes I have felt forced into a corner, like we must believe in God or we face hell. I do not want to go to hell and so I believe in God. But I feel like there is so much more than that. If it was just a choice that really is life or death I don’t really believe that is free will. I think there is more to God than just life or death. I really think he wouldn’t have created us just to serve him, just to make that decision of whether or not we believe.

I am reading quite a bit through the Old Testament. It is hard not to see God as horrendous. It is hard to see God as being someone to worship when it seems like he is just he is letting others kill unnecessarily. Although the more I read I am truly trying to answer questions and delve into who God really is. I have faith in Him, I fully believe that He is real, but I want to know him. I am starting to see that God is blessing his followers that he is rewarding them for their faith, and till Jesus came along the walk with God seemed a lot harder.

I really hope that as I draw nearer to God, to work on our relationship, I really hope that God draws nearer to me and reveals a relationship that is beyond my wildest dreams.

Witnessing by example

Over lent I have been reading non-fiction Christian literature along with the Bible. I started Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell last night and I am just in awe of things that he is writing about.


I have always felt like I have questioned God too much. I have doubts and I felt like less of a follower with these doubts. I have tried to learn more, tried to read more, tried to understand more, but have only come up with more questions. Rob Bell believes that God wants us to ask questions, honest true questions and really try to seek what it actually means to “walk the walk.”

He also mentioned how people are always trying to debate God and the relationship and the faith. Everyone is a believer of something, everyone has faith in something, even if it is not in the one I believe to be true, but instead of trying to shove doctrine or theology down their throats, I should just invite them to join me in the walk. Let them see by who I am and how I act, talk and walk the life of Christ.

I love that. I am going to make that my life goal, to make everyone want to join, to follow God by actively acting out the life of Jesus every day. I am working on having each and every characteristic embody Christ’s example.

God's Wrath

I have been reading through both Joshua and 1st Samuel (Joshua at home and 1st Samuel on my phone). I have just been so confused with the wrath of God. I know that he rewarded those who love him, and, as in Joshua, gave them land they “inherited” from their 40 years in the desert. It just seems so evil how he had them kill the people already living on that land.


I guess I have spent so much more time reading the New Testament and this is the first time I have read a large part of the Old Testament. It is hard to see the “God of the Old Testament” when I have come to more understanding of the “God of the New Testament.”

I know that without Jesus there was no way to resolve our sins without sacrifice, as we are so blessed to be graced with that option, but it just feels, to me, like those individuals in the Old Testament needed a few more chances. I know I am the type of person who tries to forgive and I am sure that there was a lot more disrespect for God, but it just seems so heartless to let God’s people kill them and send them to a life in Hell.

I am sure the more I read the more I will come to understand God’s thinking and His will…but I can see how the “God of the Old Testament” makes people falter in their faith.

The journey begins

I wrote this on Feb. 21st...it was the beginning of starting my first journey through Lent and all the experiences I have had over the last few weeks have inspired me to create this blog and share my journey into a closer, intimate relationship with God.
I hope this blog inspires others and also spurs conversations between other Christians and non-Christians alike so that we can all gain new perspectives.

In Lent, it's traditional to give up (or 'fast from') something(s) that we do a lot of and that we find pleasure in. This giving up or fasting is done:



· as a discipline for learning self-control, to free our minds from the chase after material things, to tell ourselves 'no' and make it stick;
· to identify with Christ's sufferings, and remember what the true pleasures are for followers of Christ;
· as an act of sorrow over our wrongdoings and our state of sin.

It may at times be about forensic guilt (as in TV's CSI or Law and Order, the 'I did it' kind of guilt), but it's not about the psychological kind of guilt (where God is pictured like a nagging mother, saying just the right word to make you feel sorry for yourself). In fact, it prepares you for Easter, in which a risen Christ leaves you no cause (or even room) for psychological guilt.


Sometimes we don't notice how certain things we do have gained power over us and dictate our actions. In Lent fasts, we discover these things and give them up so that God can be in charge. Franciscans use the term 'detachment': the less that 'stuff' preoccupies your life, the more room there is for God, as well as for yourself and for other people.

I have always wondered why people even bothered to give something up for Lent. I went to an evangelical church and we never really participated in the observed actions of Lent. This year I decided to look into it more. I know a lot of Catholic Church goers in my hometown had no real idea of why they even practiced Lent. Why the “gave something up” and didn’t eat meat on Fridays. This always confused me, because why do you do something if you have no idea why you are doing it. I know that faith is a lot of doing without knowing, but something like “giving up pop” never made any sense to me.

Friday night I ate with a friend and she said that she was going to give up drinking for Lent. She hasn’t gone to church in the two years I have known her. She never talks about her faith and it just seemed odd to me that she would even give something up for a faith she isn’t even practicing on a normal basis. I don’t know how her personal relationship with God is, but when I asked her why she was giving something up for Lent she said because it would make her a better person. Not really the point of Lent.

So this year I did decide that I wanted to do something more this Easter season to repent and to grow in my faith. I thought for quite a while about what I really wanted to “give up.” I think giving up ridiculous things is so out of whack. As a child, yes, I can see giving pop up as a good starting point, but adults should have grown out of these childhood Lent “basics” and truly try to discipline themselves in their relationship. Although I am on my high horse right now, maybe some people do feel repentance when they don’t drink diet cola. I just don’t really see how that helps them come closer to God.

I have decided that I am not going to read any literature except for the Bible for thesenext 40 days. I would love to do a fast, but I am not sure my body could handle that (although, this means I am not giving it a chance and to allow the word to be my bread, but I don’t think at this point in my relationship it is where I need to be yet). I have always used books as a way to escape from reality, to put myself in someone else’s shoes. But it is taking away time for me to spend on the most important relationship in my life, the whole reason for me being here. Plus, I hope this disciplines me to continue to read the Word on a normal basis.
I hope that my example for Lent will help others reach beyond the “simple” into actually giving up time and energy to come closer to the person who gave his life for us. Faith is so hard and with all the distractions we have it is even harder to have a faithful relationship.