More Beautiful You

The world is a hard place to live. I often wish that we could just crawl up onto God’s lap and stay there forever. Everything is safe, perfect and you really feel the love He has for us and how much He values us.

But then you crawl back down, because we are not called to be safe. We are called to be among the world, to show them how not to be apart of it. We are going to be among the media messages, the public school messages, the Women’s magazines messages, the model world messages, and within all these messages are daggers that damage our hearts and make us forget the value that God bestows upon us with his love.

I have always had self-esteem issues. I don’t look like the girls in the magazine. I have always had a few extra pounds; I have never had those long lean legs or taunt stomach. I am average and sometimes it is so hard to feel beautiful when you are constantly compared to models and the beauties of this world. If you look into what the world views women as, there is no way to measure up. And you should not want to measure up. God calls us to be His children, not children of the world.

I try to hard to strive to be beautiful in the world’s eyes that sometimes I forget that the most important person to impress isn’t part of this world. God is not going to love me more if my hair has highlights and lowlights. God isn’t going to find me more attractive if I lose 20 pounds.

God is going to find me more attractive when my heart grows. He is going to be proud when I gain patience, kindness, goodness, self-control. He is going to look at me differently when I love my neighbor as myself. He is going to long to spend more time with me when I push away the television shows, the magazines, the novels and seek some quiet time alone with Him.

I know that I will always struggle with self-esteem, but the closer I come to God the more He lets me see who I really am and who I am meant to be. I am His daughter. I am His child. That is so amazing. I can bring more friends to know Him by showing them His kindness; much more that I could by painting their toenails.

I hope that through my growth I can encourage those around to know they are beautiful. I am going to make a goal of letting those around me know that their insides are far more special to God and me than their outsides. Even if they have the cutest shoes, if they don’t have God, they are severely missing out. I hope that by pointing out attitude and traits more than a new hairstyle or pair of jeans will encourage more personal growth in my own life and their own.

And the hopefully, as our daughters of the world grow up, they won’t feel overweight. They will see that the beauty is within their hearts and that we are perfect just the way we are. Please read the lyrics and find the song to listen to. It is so powerful.

More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

A Dog's tale

Tonight I was invited to a BBQ with my two friends and two of their friends. It was very fun getting to know their friends Kim and Yati.

Throughout dinner we watched my friend’s black lab and Kim and Yati’s boxer running crazily around the backyard. We giggled at them and enjoyed learning more about each other and our daily activities.

Dozer, the crazy boxer, was confined to the kennel for a short period of time. According to Kim and Yati Dozer had quite the personality and was always a little rambunkous.

Kim started laughing and then told us a story about Dozer earlier in the day. Kim was pulling clean dishes out of the dishwasher and putting them into the cupboards. She was also loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher. Dozer snuck up and started licking the dirty dishes. Kim had barely turned her back when Dozer somehow tore the entire bottom rack out of the dishwasher and onto the floor. Kim was mystified and was scolding Dozer and trying to clean up the dishes that were now sprawled on the kitchen floor.

This whole time Yati was in the shower. He heard the commotion and shouting through the running water, but knew at that moment there wasn’t really anything he could do because he was “stuck” in the shower. So, Yati started praying.

We all laughed for quite some time, but I couldn’t help but know that this should be the response we should have every time something happens, big or small. Even though this was just a silly dog, it could have been something far worse. Our first instincts should always to be to go to God. He is the source of constant wisdom. He is all-knowing and even though Yati did not know what was happening in his kitchen, he knew that God knew. God is in control. We have to trust him, even when we really don’t know what is going on, because God does.

I love when God just speaks through little stories. I am sure that Kim did not know her crazy boxer would inspire my faith. God is so amazing. 

Word Filled Wednesday

For more WFW check out today's host Susan!

Quench your Thirst

“The days are coming,” declares the Sovereign LORD,
“when I will send a famine through the land—
not a famine of food or a thirst for water,
but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.
Men will stagger from sea to sea
and wander from north to east,
searching for the word of the LORD,
but they will not find it. ”

Amos 8:11-12

I am still slowly reading through the Old Testament and I have to admit I haven’t spent a lot of time in the book of Amos. So, with the joy of the internet today, I have the knowledge I was missing at my fingertip.

This verse stumped me. I wasn’t exactly sure what the premise of the verse was and how it related to me and the people in Amos’s time. So, Wikipedia to the rescue!

Here is what Wikipedia said about the book of Amos:
Purpose
The Book of Amos is set in a time when the people of Israel have reached a low point in their devotion to God - the people have become greedy and have stopped following and adhering to their values. The wealthy elite are becoming rich at the expense of others. Peasant farmers who once practiced subsistence farming are being forced to farm what is best for foreign trade, mostly wine and oil.

YHWH speaks to Amos, a farmer and herder, and tells him to go to Samaria, the capital of the Northern kingdom. Through Amos, God tells the people that he is going to judge Israel for its sins, and it will be a foreign nation that will enact his judgment.

The people understand judgment as the coming of "the Day of the Lord." "The Day of the Lord" was widely celebrated and highly anticipated by the followers of God. However, Amos came to tell the people that "the Day of the Lord" was coming soon and that it meant divine judgment and justice for their own iniquity.

“Amos came to tell the people that "the Day of the Lord" was coming soon and that it meant divine judgment and justice for their own iniquity.” Awe. This is a strong statement and now the verse started to fall into place for me. I was thinking of the verse as a whole, but I wasn’t thinking about how it related to just me.

A lot of us have gone through highs and lows in our walk. We have been on the mountain top, where we can feel like we can reach out and truly touch God. He is so near, so real, so amazing when we are on that mountain top.

But then there are the valleys, the days where we feel so far away. We lose sight of His words, stop hearing his voice and sometimes stop believing.

The days where I have been in the valley have been the hardest days in my life. I did feel as though I was staggering from sea to sea. I was trying to find anything that would fill the void, anything that would make me feel complete.

But the only thing that will ever fill that void is actually searching for the Word. We need to fill our thirst through prayer, reading the Word and fellowshipping with other Christians. Without feeding ourselves with His presence we will no doubt be filled with famine. We will starve without Him.

There are two paths in this verse. Those who choose to stay away from the famine, those who know that the Day of the Lord is approaching and actively continue to seek the real truth.

Or…those who go into the valley, those who are desperate to fill the void created in us, those who want to fill the need. And those who go to fill the void but as so starved those are the sad few who start searching in places where they will never be fulfilled. They will fall into the devil’s traps and bad habits.

Let’s all remember that the word of the Lord is a blessing to be treasured, seek it and quench your thirst!

 

The Climb

One of the places that I constantly have to battle the devil is those stupid little comments he puts in my mind. 

I say something to a friend like, “God is control,” and this nagging comments underlies the statement. The voice in my head says that I sound like a fool, that God really isn’t going to care. Heck, you may have all this faith and say all these things and be completely off base.

Sometimes it makes me stumble backwards; sometimes it makes me want to push my faith away. But then I think about it, I think about all the amazing stories, the Bible and just the feeling that knowing God really is in control and it makes me take a step forward.

The devil is going to constantly beat our faith down, every moment of every day, every time you feel amazing the devil is going to rip that amazing carpet right out from under your feet. Knowing God and believing in Him is never going to be easy. It is definitely a long, long climb up a rocky mountain face. God will throw down ropes, give us niches to hold onto, but the devil is going to be right there alongside us. He is going to throw boulders down the mountain to knock us off. He is going to take those handholds the Lord has given us and make them crumble under the weight of our fingertips. We just have to keep knowing that will continue to throw us the rope and he doesn’t leave us clinging to that mountain face, alone.

While working at a Christian camp for a summer we had amazing speakers and learned amazing things, but I think that the biggest message I learned was through a very popular quote.

So I am going to climb that mountain face, and even if I feel alone, I know that I am not. I am going to fight those doubts, fight the fact that people might be looking at me, laughing at me. I am going to struggle to get over my self and know that God chose me. God loves me. God wants me. And even though sometimes the fact that he chose me, loves me and wants me see so far out in the distance, I am going to climb till I reach that horizon. God wants a relationship and He is definitely going to help me along the way.

Preach while you walk

I wrote an entry here, but decided that it wasn't something I should say, because it was judgmental and that is not fair. I just know that it laid heavy on my heart. I have many friends who lead lifestyles that confuse me and make me question, but I still love them all the same. But I still think the end part of my entry is necessary, so without names, without judgement that I am not worthy to make, I still think that we must walk the walk the Bible commands. 

The verses from Romans came into my mind:

Romans 14:13-18 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. 

There is no doubt in my mind that we all sin. We are all unclean and all imperfect. 

But we are told not to distress our fellow Christians by our actions. Whether it is what we eat or drink, or our sexual preference, we are not acting in love by showboating these sins to others around us who may not be as strong in the faith and these actions could cause them to sin.

I do not have an answer for this situation, nor is it mine to answer. I just hope that we can all take this example and know that whatever we do, someone is watching. We need to act righteously every day. There are eyes, little and big, watching our example, watching our lifestyle. I do not want to find out that my actions caused someone else to sin, to stumble.  I want them to be guided to Christ through my life.

Today I leave you with this quote, one I hope that we all can take to heart. We live in a crazy, unrighteous, unstable world. We must hold tight to the truth.

Refine Me

This song has always been a prayer every time I sing it. 

Refine Me, Jennifer Knapp

I come into this place, burning to receive your peace
I come with my own chains, for wars I fought for my own selfishgains

Your my God and my father, I've accepted your son
But my soul feels so empty now, what have I become?

Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please come and free me
Refine me

My heart can't see, when I only look at me
My soul can't hear, when I only think of my own fears.

And they are gone in a moment, your forever the same
Why did I look away from you, how can i speak your name?


Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My has deceived me, please come and free me
Come rescue this child, cause long to be reconciled to you...
It's all I can do, to give my heart and soul to you
and pray..... and pray..... and I will pray...

Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please come and free me
Refine me

Refine me... Refine me...
Refine me............


For more inspiring songs visit Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders

Chosen

As I have written before, I long to know more about each story of the Bible. I really want to feel their feelings, hear their thoughts, smell the smells and get closer to who they really are.

When I saw there was a book about the intimate moments of Queen Esther’s life I knew I had to get my hands on it. Luckily the library had a copy waiting just for me!

Chosen by Ginger Garret was amazing. I soaked into the novel. It was written through Esther’s eyes, as her diary.

The beginning of the book takes place while Esther is living with her cousin Mordecai. She was working in the marketplace, barely getting by and falling in love with another local boy. Then tragically Esther was ripped away from her normal life and chosen to stand before the King and possibly become Queen.

This book was so well written you can slip right in between the pages and fall into the book. As you read you can really feel who Esther was and how hard it was to be in her situation. She was a prisoner in the castle, but also knew that she had a calling from God to be there. Even in her weakest moments she knew that she was in God’s hands.

Very great book for both women and teens, and I will definitely have to get my hands on more of Ginger Garret’s novels!

WWJD

When I was in high school there was a big fad. Everyone who was “anyone” was seen wearing the latest, greatest, coolest thing ever, a WWJD bracelet. The WWJD stood for “what would Jesus do.” We had millions of the woven bracelets, one in every color possible, heck even multi-colored. People who were as far from Christian as possible wore these bracelets. They were a fad, not a lifestyle. And as soon as they came, as soon as everyone had their fill, they were gone again.

We are called to live our lives like Jesus, to take up our cross daily and follow him. I think a great way to do this is to actually follow the WWJD mentality as a lifestyle, not just a fashion statement.

If we treated every step of our way as a step to show those around us who Christ really is, than we will fully embody the word Christian. We will be as Christ-like as humanly possible.

If we were at the grocery store and saw an old man drop a can of green beans we could reach down and grab those green beans, as Christ would have done, instead of side-stepping the fallen can so it doesn’t crash on our toes and crack our newly pedicured nails.

We would be good Samaritans and help that person on the side of the road instead of crossing the street so we don’t have to listen to them beg for money or smell the body odor from weeks without a shower. We could give them a meal; give them groceries or a couple bucks that we were just going to spend on an extra large white chocolate mocha.

If we get in a disagreement with our husband or wives we can stop for a moment and pray. We could take some time away from the disagreement and after some advice from our Father resolve the situation, which probably was petty in the first place. We could calmly defend our “side” without anger, harsh words and yelling.

In those moments of frustration when our co-workers are “driving us up a wall” we can know that Jesus would have befriended them. He would have led them gently down the right path.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new day to take up our crosses and choose to follow Him. I think that this new day should also signify being as Christ-like as we can. If we really try, pray for Christ’s attitude than we will be fully blessed. If those moments when it is hard not to let the sinful nature rise to the surface we need to stop, pull ourselves away from the situation and meditate on how Jesus would react in this situation.

WWJD should not be a fashion statement, it should be a lifestyle.

Word Filled Wednesday

For more amazing words please visit today's host Critty Joy

Calvary Love

“If monotony tries me,

and I cannot stand drudgery;

if stupid people fret me and

little ruffles set me on edge;

if I make much of the trifles of life,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

by Amy Carmichael

I read this quote a few times before it finally sunk into me. All the sudden the big hypocrite giant that sleeps inside me woke up. This quote is all about me.

Life gets monotonous; I get bored and pray that God sends me a new opportunity. I forget that even in the “monotony” of life I still have a job to do. And even with work get too hard, I still have a job to do. I still have many people in my life that don’t know of the amazing relationship that they can have. They may never hear about or experience the grace without me in their lives.

Then the stupid people part came up and that hit me straight in between the eyes. Especially at work I have a hard time with patience. Instead of just answering the question presented for the fifth time, I get edgy, frustrated. I just want them to figure it out on my own or learn. But we are not called to get frustrated; we are called to be patient, kind, generous with our answers.

The quote is one of those quotes that can change your life, change your attitude. But the only way to really change that attitude is to pray for the right “equipment.” The more we pray, the more we read His word, the more we really try to love our neighbors as ourselves, the more God will use us as His tools.

For more of today's quote check out today's host Typing One Handed

Casting our burdens

Let me take you inside my mind for a moment….it is constantly active and constantly drives me crazy.

What if something bad happens and my parents die in a car crash?

If I make a mistake on a loan today am I going to get fired?

I let a bad thought go through my mind about a co-worker, I am a horrible Christian.

I am not as pretty as her, what if my husband leaves me because I am not the most beautiful person in the room.

I accidentally upset a friend by not listening to her needs, I shouldn't have any friends, I am not good enough to be called someone's friend

I accidentally broke a glass today, I am so worthless. I feel so guilty for not being able to do the dishes right.

I am constantly plagued with worries, self-doubt, anxiety and guilt. I have dealt with these issues since I was a small child. I would have nightmares and lie awake as a child, terrified of doing something wrong, being imperfect. These doubts, fears and worries have followed me through to adulthood. I overanalyze every thing I do, say and think. These thoughts swirl around in my head for days, weeks, months. Life is tough sometimes.

I accepted Christ when I was a 3^rd grader. I have followed and believed since then, but I have just started to be awakened into a new relationship, one where I can fully understand how God made me and how He feels about me.

God is leading my down a path to emotional healing. He has guided me through a series of steps, but I am far from being cured. I rely on the fact that I am never alone. I can always call for help.

First we need to see that we were in the darkness.

            We are all old creations before God comes into our lives, before we choose to make that faithful jump into belief. If I let the darkness consume me I will be imprisoned by it.

Isaiah 42:7 says, “To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.”

            You can never escape the darkness unless you open your eyes to the promise and find release from the darkness.

Secondly we need to see that we are condemning and captivation ourselves.

            There is an old saying that “you are your own worst enemy” and I can totally relate to that. I can forgive easily those who hurt me, I can be forgiven by those I hurt, but forgiving myself is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

            God shows us that we do not have to live in condemnation. Romans 8:1 says “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus.” He took that away from us. We are forgiven and need to forgive ourselves.

            A verse that always resonates with me is Isaiah 52:2 “Shake thyself from the dust, arise, and sit down, O Jerusalem; loose thyself from the bands on thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”

            We need to realize that we are free; we can shake off all the worries, anxieties, and feelings of guilt. We can let the heavy burden off our shoulders so it no longer holds us prisoner.  

Thirdly we need to come into the light and cast all our burdens on the Lord.           

            Matthew 11:28 says “"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” The only way to find relief from the emotional strain we put on ourselves is to come into Christ’s strong arms and let them wrap around you. Pray that he will give you rest and He will! Our Father is a loving Father and he wants to take your burdens away.

            “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us,” Psalms 103:12. How amazing! Your sins are as far away from you as they can possibly get. He has removed them and you need to allow Him wipe us clean and give us a fresh start.

The last thing is that we need to realize who were are in God’s eyes

            God is amazing. There are no words to fully describe the grace that he has bestowed on us. He loves us. He wants to be our Father. He wants to be our friend, our maker, our King.

            He says that he wants us to live life abundantly, as John 10:10 says, “I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” We cannot live abundantly if we do not give our burdens to our Maker and follow His footsteps and His word.

            God will protect us. Psalms 84:11, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will be withheld from them that walk uprightly.” When we feel fear, we need to trust our God, for he IS our shield.      

Today let’s ask God to take our burdens, fears, worries, guilt and anxiety. Let us call out to him to be our shield, to give us rest and to guide us in His path.

Every time I want to fall back into my old thought patterns I pray for his peace and overflowing joy. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”

Shadow Shot Sunday

Today we visited the spot where my close friends Taylor and Laura are going to make their marriage vows next summer. It has been fun planning the big day with them and knowing the blessing they are to each other and their friends and family.

For more Shadow Shot Sunday check out Hey Harriet

Not just going through the motions

Worshipping through song is one of the times where I feel the closest to God. He has blessed me with a singing spirit and I love using that spiritual gift for Him more than anything else.

Every once and a while a song comes on the radio (namely K-Love – love the station and the ministry) that makes you stop and listen. It seeps into your soul and overwhelms every part of your being. This song, but Matthew West, did just that for me.

Life feels like a routine. Wake up, shower, brush your teeth, eat some Cheerios, off to work, same thing different day, home, dinner, cuddle with hubby, sleep, wake up, ect. It is a vicious cycle and we get so sucked into the routine that our daily lives create.

I don’t want that routine….I want more, I know there is more. God put this song in my heart and continually does every time I get complacent. I will not just go through the motions, I don’t want to go one more day, without His all-consuming passion inside of me. I don’t want to spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions.”

Wow…those words are so full of meaning and so full of the precious gift of life that we were blessed with. God didn’t give us this life just to do the minimum. Like the lyrics say, it might hurt, it might not be safe, but we have to make a change. We may break in the process, but at least we are feeling something, not just numb in our daily lives. We need more than the nothingness, the nothingness I often feel. 

Lord, take me all away. Help me fight the nothingness of life. Fill me with your all-consuming passion. Amen!

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Will the world end in 2012?

2012. In the last year or so this topic has become increasingly popular, and also misguided and misunderstood.

In his book, “Will the World End in 2012?” Raymond C Hundley explained ten of the end of the world theories in laymen terms.

This book was incredibly interesting. I heard of some of the theories, but did not know a whole lot about the topics. Hundley took a very scientific approach to explaining each of the theories, not taking sides and choosing which of the theories are either right or wrong.

Hundley researched theories across the board, including the Mayan calendar, black holes created by the Large Hadron Collider and ended with religious predications about the end of the world.

All the theories were introduced with a story to help the reader relate to the topic, and then the evidence was presented, followed by a conclusion.

The most amazing part of this book was that it was written by a Christian. At the end of the book Hundley goes on to explain that even if the world ends in 2012, 2032 or tomorrow we need to be ready. Many Christians faced the “end of their worlds” with hope, faith and even joy in the midst of chaos. As Christians we have that knowledge that nothing can separate us from the love that comes from God.

This book was very enjoyable, informative and most importantly, easy to understand. It definitely spurred a lot of conversations and I am definitely going to pass this book on to others!

More to the story

The book of John ends (v. 21:25) with “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.”

This made me stop and crave more words, more stories from John. Can you imagine all the things that we have yet to hear since the bible can easily fit inside my purse? There are more stories, more teachings from Jesus than the whole world would have room to hold. How amazing would it be if all the libraries in the world were filled with stories about Jesus’ time on earth? We could make trips visiting new places and new libraries to learn more about our Savior.

I desire to know even the little things, like what did Jesus like to eat? How was his childhood…did he get treated like other children? Were his parents overprotective? Did he get acne or have allergies? Was he full of all this wisdom before he could talk? When did he start walking? Did he learn a lot from his earthly father as well as his heavenly father?

I would love to know more about the disciples. What was Matthew’s life as a tax collector really like before he decided to leave everything and follow Jesus? What are the thoughts that went through Saul’s mind when the Lord called out to him? Was the transformation to Paul filled with agony or was he almost calm about knowing he was finally on the right path, even though that path was hard.

How did the people really feel when Jesus was on the cross? Did the non-believers feel guilty for calling for his crucifixion?

How about Ruth or Esther? These two women are so iconic in our faith, yet I would love to know more about them. Did Esther enjoy the 12 months of beauty treatments or did she loath getting up every morning and preparing herself to be queen? Was she terrified when she met the King? Did she feel any love for him? Did she wish she was still at home and never entered the castle?

There is so much between the lines in the bible that my huge imagination longs to know. I hope that in Heaven we will be able to sit at the feet of the Master and He will fill in those stories for us. It would be the most amazing story time ever, one that we could be blessed with for eternity!

Word Filled Wednesday

Nothing but Trouble

I just finished reading Nothing but Trouble by Susan May Warren and can I tell you I ate that book up. I started it yesterday and was finished in less than 24 hours!


The main character, PJ Sugar, was so like me I am kind of wondering if the author snuck into my head for a while. She always felt like trouble, always seemed to sneak into situations that resulted less fantastically than she had intended.

After a crazy incident on her high school prom night PJ left her home town in Minnesota (it is always fun to read books about my state!) and started to try to find where she fit in. This girl had lists of jobs, but nothing stuck. She found God along the way and became a Christian. After a rough ending with her boyfriend, PJ was called home to the place she hadn’t visited for a long time.

After she enters home she finds herself entangled in a murder. She seeks to help her friends and listens to that small voice inside her that says her best friend’s husband is innocent. As usual she gets into troubling situations, but learns more about who she really is in God’s eyes.

This was a great book and I am excited to read Double Trouble, another PJ Sugar tale.

Bigger than I can imagine

“God can use small ingredients to make big miracles happen:
fabric and thread to lift hope in the sick,
five loaves and two fish to feed five thousand hungry people,
and faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain.
Shouldn’t we give all that we have to God
just to see what He might do with it?”

A fellow blogger wrote yesterday about how big God really is. She used a quote from Randy Alcorn, “If we could understand everything God does, then He'd have to be a small God ~ small enough to fit in our little minds.”

There is no way we could understand how faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains unless we start to trust God to move in our lives. There is no way that we could even imagine how He turned a few fish and loaves of bread into food for 5,000. And how can we fathom turning water into wine? It is hard to believe, hard to have faith, but that is exactly what we need to do.

If we believe than we really need to believe. We need to believe that our God can do big things. I am sure we have all heard stories of nowadays miracles. It is not like God stopped performing miracles after Jesus left the earth. So we need to believe that God can make these big changes in our own lives.

If we put all our stock in God, all our faith, all of wisdom, all our joy and everything we possibly could into God can you imagine what would happen?

Go I am going to give everything to God. I am going to let loose on trying to  control everthing.

I am going to continue leanring as much as I can, continue to read the bible, continue to talk to Christian friends and listen to sermons.

The biggest thing I am going to have to learn to do, and it will seriously the hardest thing I have been taught, but I figure the master is the one to teach me, is to listen. To be silent and just listen.

To know where God wants me to go, to know what he wants me to do, I have learn to listen to Him.

I would love any help that you have found in your walk and spiritual growth on hearing God's voice.

For more views on today's verse check out this week's host Mama's Little Treasures

The She Speaks Conference has been mentioned in quite a few blogs I read. I sounds like an amazing experience. I really wanted to share it with you today! Please check out the website for more information!

Selfishness

Selfishness. Yuck, I don’t even want to look at the word. I think it is my biggest vice. As I strive for the fruit of the spirit there is one thing that trips me up and it just so happens to start to be myself.

Galatians 5:²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

We are called to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled. Yet sometimes, even when I try SO hard, I seem to fall back into the old routine of “what do I get out of the situation.”

I have such a hard time taking “me” out of everything I do.

I need to me loving without worry about how much they will love me for it. Neither of these verses say that I should love my neighbors as myself because they will return the favor and it will cause me earthly pleasure. True love is love without boundaries, without expectations.

1 JOHN 3:18 My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.

LUKE 10:27 So he answered and said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,' and `your neighbor as yourself.' "

It is amazing how even when I start trying to do things for others, when it fails or does not go as I planned, I find myself feeling as though they are personally trying to make me suffer. I assume (assume being the key word) without giving a simple moment to walk in their shoes or even think about the fact that something else may be in their path that is obstructing them receiving what I am trying to give. Once again it is “all about me.”

The Love Dare book has focused on patience, kindness, selflessness and thoughtfulness for the first four days.

I can be patient….until someone through me aside or disregards me.
I can be kind…until someone cuts me off in traffic or takes advantage of my kindness

I can be selfless…until someone throws piles of work on my desk because I am now just expected to be selfless with my co-workers

I can be thoughtful….until my feelings are forgotten and I feel the need to make my feeling known.

All of these feelings I have to relate back to me. I am patient so someone self is patient with me. I am kind so those around me are kind to me. I am selfless so someone may repay the favor. I am thoughtful because it feels good to me when someone responds thoughtfully to me.

We are called to do these things without being repaid. This probably has been the hardest lesson in my walk. God has to work on me EVERY single day. I find myself convicted and apologizing A LOT!

Luckily, He gives us strength, room to grow, grace and, most importantly, forgiveness. If I lean of my heavenly Father he will be my center and soon “me” will disappear.

John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Undo

Turn me around pick me up

Undo what I've become

Bring me back to the place

Of forgiveness and grace

I need You, need Your help

I can't do this myself

You’re the only one who can undo

What I've become

Undo by Rush of Fools has been a inspiring song in my walk. I went through quite a few years of being as far away from God as I possibly could. I was trying to fill the hole, the void, that only he could fill with people, things and sometimes even doing things that were against my morals. I was trying to find His love in the wrong places, trying to feel comfort for my loneliness.

But God gently calls me back, takes me into the place of forgiveness and grace. He makes me white and new and has shown me that He is the only one who can fill my void. There is nothing in this world that will fill the whole that he put in my heart for Him.

This song reminds me to come back to Him when I get off track. And I have learned that as long as I stay close to his side I am engulfed in His grace. My heart is filled with his joy and love. God is the only one who can do this and with his strength I can stay in the place where I belong.

Wise woman indeed

"A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish tears it down with her own hands."  Proverbs  14:1

Wow, you know how God sometimes puts someone or something in your tracks that makes you come to a dead stop and finally listen? God did that with me yesterday morning.

I think one of my biggest downfalls is that I am passive-aggressive. I can pretend for a long time that things are ok. I can push my feelings away but sometimes they come spilling out at the wrong moments.
Instead of talking with my husband about an issue, I sometimes say rude things to friends to retaliate, when really, that isn’t helping anyone. I feel bad after the word vomit has exploded and it hurts my husband because I gossip and don’t actually talk just to him.

At work sometimes I let myself get so frustrated and take work to heart and, once again, word vomit comes out. I give the wrong impression to co-workers, especially those who don’t work in the same town as me and only know me through phone conversations.

I am not that person, really, yet my words and actions don’t say the same thing. Then God puts Proverbs 14:1 in my face. Bam! A wise woman builds her house. A wise woman builds up those around her. A wise woman watches her thoughts and tongue. A wise woman encourages those around her. A wise woman loves unconditionally. A wise woman forgives. A wise woman follows God’s word and path.

I often act like the foolish woman. A foolish woman gossips. A foolish woman holds grudges. A foolish woman lacks self-control. A foolish woman retaliates. A foolish woman lets the devil get a foothold.

So today, I am going to etch this verse into my heart. I am going to use the strength and wisdom that God has given me and become a wise, holy woman. I know that I am far from perfect, rough around the edges, but I am also pliable. God can mold me into the woman he created me to be if I let him, it I learn from him and his disciples.

Lord, please help me to be a wise woman and build a strong house. Thank you for my husband. He is an amazing gift. Help me to be a wife that he needs me to be, a godly woman in his eyes and yours. Lord thank you for my friends, family and co-workers. Please help me be a wise woman, to watch my tongue and guard my heart. Please help me to learn and be molded into the godly woman you created me to be.

In your name, Amen!

The Dare

I was inspired the other day by a fellow blogger who was reading “The Love Dare.” I thought it sounds like a great idea and as a new wife I figured what a great way to start our marriage.

I read through the first two days this weekend, working on showing my husband patience and kindness. Patience was a little harder, but I normally am kind, so that one didn’t seem like a difficult task.

At work today I thought about the environment I work in. I have struggled for quite a while about the attitudes at work. I work in the mortgage department preparing files for closing.

Files are passed through the loan officer, to underwriting, to processing (me) and then to the title company for closing. I am the end of the line at the bank and have to be patient for those ahead of me in line to finish their part of the work. A loan officer and a closing processor have very different positions when it comes to the loan. The loan officer is a sales person, where I am a clerical, detail specific person. The loan officer wants the loan to close to please the customer, but underwriting needs to make sure the loan is acceptable and the borrowers will be able to pay and afford their mortgage. These two viewpoints COLLIDE a lot.

The difference of opinion is not handled as well by some as it is by others. It causes stress, bitterness and resentment. One is trying to cut all necessary corners to make the loan approvable, but the other is trying to follow orders, rules and guidelines set by both the bank and the government.

I can totally understand the stress, but sometimes it goes above and beyond what is necessary. A bad attitude seeps through the whole working environment. Comments that were once under their breath are now swarming around the office. Mean words abound about other employees and a lack of desire to work easily takes over.

I like my job most days, but it is hard trying to stay positive in this environment. I have found myself gossiping, saying mean things and even uttering untrue statements out of frustration. I am not like this. I do not want to turn into a bitter person because of my job.

So today I decided to take my “Love Dare” and not only use to make my marriage stronger, closer and more amazing, but also to use the “Love Dare” to make my office a better place to work. If I can continually show all my co-workers and those who I come in contact with because of the job, the same love that I am taught in the Bible I am definitely sure amazing things will happen. If bad attitudes can disease a workplace I am going to hope, pray and desire that a good, positive attitude will cure the workplace. Hopefully my actions will rub off on those around me and when conflict arises it will be met with a positive attitude, deal with in a pleasing manner and it will “roll right off our backs.”

Word Filled Wednesday

Check out more wise words at this week's host Penny

Amazing Grace

“I am the wretch the song refers to.” by Todd Friel

Amazing Grace is a song that everyone knows, no matter what faith you believe in, it is a very popular song on television, in churches, websites and other forms of advertising. Sometimes I think that means that we stop listening to what it actually means, what it actually says.

I decided to look through the lyrics again, to read further between the lines and to find out the history of the song. There are some amazing lines in the song and sometimes I think I get so lost in singing, developing the melody, that I don’t bother to actually listen to what I am singing.

“I was lost, but now I’m found”
I don’t know how many times in my life I have felt completely and utterly lost. I have lost my direction, felt beaten and broken by the world around me, but God has always been the one to hold my hand. No matter how hard life gets, I never cease to remember that the Lord is always there. I do know, from personal experience, that the struggles are necessary, because I draw so much closer to God when I feel like there is nothing left. I am so good at forgetting His grace when life is good. So even though the trials, essentially, suck, they are necessary.

“Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come; 'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.”
The world is a evil, scary place. The more I watch the news, see violence in my own town and hear stories of people’s lives being ended for no good reason, I want to cry. I so do not want to be part of this world. I am an alien, a stranger. I love for my Heavenly home. I know that we are put here as witnesses, and so I will do as the Lord asks, because everyone around me deserves to have the same faith, the same grace that I have received. The time we are given on earth is precious and I don’t want to waste it, but I don’t want to become part of the world either. I know that there are so many dangers, but I know that the Lord will keep my soul safe till I can finally rest with him in Heaven.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

For more views on this quote please check out The Heart of A Pastor's Wife, today's host! 

In this City

I moved to Fargo right after college. It was my first job offer, so I moved to a whole new town without knowing a single soul. It was a very very hard move. I clung to my faith and God, but I was so lonely. I would cry during church because I was there alone, in a room full of 1,000 people, deeply wanting to connect, but feeling very shy and disconnected.

I found a group of friends, but they did not feel as close as my college friends, who had all moved to the Minneapolis area. I continued to feel so lonely, so depressed.

My job was not satisfying and I felt as though it was going to tear me apart. I love taking photos, but the people were so critical of the photos because of the way their child acted during the session. It was hard to take criticism when I knew how hard I worked, but sometimes children just don’t want to take photos. It was tearing me up inside. I was crabby, withdrawn and depressed.

I couldn’t understand how Fargo could be the place where God wanted me to go. I didn’t really seem to have other options, but I tried hard to apply for jobs in the cities and visited often to feel like I belonged down there.

After a year and a half the photography job had taken a huge toll on who I was, so I knew there had to be a way out. A friend told me about a position at the bank she was working at. I applied and was offered the job, better benefits, but less pay. I went back and forth, laid up at night, prayed, and finally decided to take the position. I didn’t know anything about mortgage, but I needed change.

The bank has been a good job. I have great benefits, great time off and it has allowed me to pursue other desires during my on and off hours from the bank. The bank is highly involved in community services and often still pays us when we are serving in the community during business hours.

I found some amazing Christian friends at the bank and was lead to a new church. Thursday nights there was a young adult, early family service. It was coffeehouse style, more laid back and played amazing music. I really enjoyed it.

I was still wondering why God placed me in Fargo. I had met a boy, who is now my husband, but at that point, I still wanted both of us to move. I felt hopeless here, disconnected still.

One night at the service, Fuel, I was listening to the music. God totally spoke to me through the lyrics. I finally knew that there was a purpose, a reason that he placed me in Fargo. I may not know it all yet, but I know that little by little he is guiding me, helping me to understand His plan.

The song was God of this City by Chris Tomlin.

“For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here”