Not looking back

In November I accepted a new position at the bank, leaving
behind the familiar, but highly stress filled years I had worked in the
mortgage position.
I started a new adventure, one floor above in the deposit
side of the bank. It was a whole new world, a whole new lingo and a whole new
set of things to learn.

I fell in love with my new position almost immediately. I
work with fraud on ATM/Card cards. I felt like I had an honest-to-goodness
chance to help the customers, help the bank and make a difference where I was
at. I caught on so well and am so interested in fraud. I love researching and
learning how the fraudsters are trying to stay one step ahead, and being the
technology nerd I am, trying to figure out another way to stay ahead of them. I
wanted to protect our customers from fraud, because it really is typical in
this day and age. It is sad, because most fraudsters are highly intelligent and
I wish that they would use those God given skills for something, well, God given.

I started the position full-time, after working some rough months in both departments, in February. My days go quickly, I learn new things every day and I really enjoy the people I am working with, in my person office and all our branches.

Late February a new position was created, a Fraud Specialist
Supervisor. I was drooling when my manager told us about this new position. It
was a combination of my position along with bank secrecy act work. I would have
extra time to put towards researching and helping both the customer and the
bank find a balance to fight fraud and illegal activity.

But, the big but, was that I had barely no deposit
experience, other than my own personal relationship with checking and savings
at the bank. The perfect position came at the wrong time. I applied and I was
told I did really well, but I was trumped by someone with more years and
experience. I know that this person will be amazing; I am not saying anything
horrible about that. I am going to enjoy having a new person in the department
and someone new to help bounce ideas off of and hopefully be able to partner with.

But, I wanted that position. I wanted that responsibility,
it fit my personality well, and it was a generous income increase that my
family would have greatly appreciated.

A few nights before my interview I was going through my
devotional and read Genesis 1-16. It is a story we have all heard many times.
Sarah wanted a baby so much that she let her husband, Abraham, sleep with the
help. Then Sarah felt horrible, jealous, tormented. She knew that she did not
make the right decision, but the patience eluded her and she made a huge
mistake.

If Sarah could only have been patient. God had a huge plan
for her life and a son that would be known throughout the ages, a son that
helped increase Abraham’s numbers. Sarah had to wait a long, long time.

After I was told today that I didn’t get the position, I
knew that I had to be positive. God has a plan and a will for my life. He told
that to Jeremiah and I know that if I listen hard enough he is speaking those
words directly to me.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to scream and rant and rave
that the bank made the wrong decision. But, I know this is not true. I started
to doubt my position in life and at the bank. Had I hit a glass ceiling? Was
this it? I would have to wait another 20 years before the next generation of
supervisors at the bank started to retire.

Then I read Genesis 19:1-26, another story we have heard
over and over. Lot and his family were told to flee from their old lives,
because Sodom and Gomorrah were so filled with sin. The Lord was raining down
his punishment on the city, but Lot follow God’s path for his life and was
spared.
But, Lot’s wife had to turn back. She had to take a look at
that old life, her old town, and it cost her life.
I am learning patience. God has a will and a timeline for
me. I know this. I need to stop stomping my feet like a stubborn little child.
I also need to start trusting and letting go of the old dreams, old habits, old
life and start to move forward without looking back.

Tomorrow is going to be a fresh new day. I am not going to
look back at today, agonizing over the job I did not receive or wondering if I
will ever move up in the bank. I am going to look ahead. I am going to follow
God in the ways He shows me. I am going to continue reading His guidebook,
continue to watch the signs around me and to continue to do 100% at the position
I was given.

I will not look back at that fraud specialist supervisor
position as a loss. It was not in my path.

Philippians 3:13b: Forgetting what is behind and straining
toward what is ahead.

My relationship, my faith, my Savior is my significance. I
do not need to have a supervisor title to feel even more important. I have a
title as a chosen child of our maker and that is far more significant than any
title the world could ever give me.  

The Faithful

When I was asked to review "The Faithful" by Jonathan Weyer I was super excited. I have loved thriller and fantasy-ish Christian fiction and have really enjoyed past thriller writers such as Frank Peretti.

The Faithful stars Aidan, an assistant pastor who is having major doubts about his faith in God. His faithful friend Brian guides him through some of the questioning, but Aidan is still full of doubt. Then weird things start to happen to those around Aidan.
Footprints appear, seemingly out of nowhere. Then a vicious murder with demonic undertones. Aidan is sucked into the investigation because he was very close to the murder victim.
While searching for a demonic killer Aidan meets many new people and learns more and more about faith and the power of good and evil.

I don't want to spill any secrets, because this is a really great thriller. I totally could relate to Aidan's life, doubts and search for the truth. Plus, the pages turn so quickly, it is a great book for a weekend away. I am excited to see what Jonathan Weyer comes up with next!

A Year with God review

A Year with God is a great devotional to start the day, or end it for that matter. I found that the verses and then the recollection/story with the devotions are a great way to start a devotional period and add to additional time spent with the bible. The book is great to give you a little of the word even if you are super busy during the day.

I sometimes find that I need a jumping off point for my devotionals, so I am using the book as a supplement to have “somewhere to start.” I am reading through the verse, the story and then going back to my bible to see if I can learn more about the verses and learn how to apply them to my own life.

I was at a quilt retreat this weekend (more to come on that later) and the director passed on a quote that really stuck with me.

“Make it your first priority in the day to understand something in the bible clearly. Your second priority is to obey  and apply, what you have understood, during the day.”

I haven’t been very good at devotionals in the morning, but I may try starting my day with a day from the book and then apply that, as well as pick up my bible in the evening. I think starting and ending my day with the word will help me to stay focused, because it is SO easy to slip into a routine that lacks the word for me.

Being Human

My faith has always been rocky. I fully admit that I love the mountain tops but often feel like I am in a valley...and truthfully I am in the valley a lot more often.

Marriage has been on my mind a lot these past few weeks, it was like we bit the 16 month mark and had a lot of learning and talking to do.

We were over the honeymoon period and getting into real life and what love really means.

Two nights ago I talked to the hubby...telling him that I was often disappointed because I was always looking for him to make me happy.

That was never going to happen. We are both human and last night I realized how many expectations I was placing on him. I can't imagine how I would feel if the shoe were on the Other foot!

Tonight I settled in with my Nook to read my Love Dare for the evening. Needless to say my jaw dropped and after I finished reading I had to run to read the entry to Paul.
Check this out - an excerpt from day 23:

We go [into marriage] in expecting out mate to fulfill our hopes and to make us happy. But this is an impossible order for a spouse to fill. Unrealistic expectations breed disappointment. The hibernate your expectations, the more likely your spouse will fail you and cause you frustration.
This was another one of my holy cow situations. Here I lay praying for some wisdom, joy, enlightenment and than wham-o God gives me everything I was asking in a few paragraphs.

People experience God and spiritually is many ways...but I often find that even though God cannot physically hold me...he meets me right where I need him. Mostly written word and lyrics give me strength to climb to the mountain tops and experience the life we were created for.

When you pray, you pray with your whole being, I an honestly say you get answers and sometimes in the least expected way!