I feel as though there are sometimes two types of lives I lead. One is the life I long to lead, the life I cherish and desire. The other is the life I end up leading when I let my guard down. The one where I end up blending in with those around me, trying to fit in with the crowd and sometimes forgoing what I know is right and doing what I know to be wrong.
I feel like I relate to Paul on so many levels, but no more than when he stated, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”
Life is a struggle. Faith is a struggle. But, I know one thing for sure. God is truth and following God’s plan is the life I need to lead. It is not easy, but it is the best way.
Although I struggle against myself, the thing that bothers me more is that I struggle with those around me. There are probably people in my life that do not know I am a Christian. That sucks. I want my life to scream Jesus. I know that some people around me, even some who are close to me, may never pick up a Bible. I want to be their Bible. I want them to know Jesus because of the way Jesus shines through in my life.
I fail; I struggle, but please, see past my faults. I am human and come complete with a horrible sinful nature. When I sin, please pick me up, dust me off and, most importantly, tell me I have sinned. I am standing on the rooftops proclaiming the love of Jesus and when I fail I should be told. I do not want to bear a false witness or push someone away from God.
Fellow believers, I pray that we wipe ourselves off, ask for forgiveness from God and those we have sinned against, and then start the next step in the right direction. As Christians the last thing we should claim to be is perfect, but we can shout the fact that we have a graceful God and he guides us to an amazing, abundant life in a promised land.
We are God’s ambassadors and sometimes it is so frustrating to try to understand why he would use an imperfect human race, but God’s plan is far greater than I could ever imagine.
I just pray that if you read this and exclaim “what type of Christian does she even proclaim to be?!” Just give me one thing, please see past my sinful nature, my mistakes and my sins against you and see that I love the Lord with all my heart. I am 100% blessed to be a believer, to have the hope Heaven, the strength to know that when I call I am heard, and the joy of guidance in a confusing world.
I sin, but I am forgiven. I was given a choice to believe or not to believe. I know that believing has made my life amazing, allowed God to work through me and given me hope for an amazing future in Heaven.
What if I was wrong? Well, then I pass away and nothing changes, but I would have lived my life with the hope, faith, love and good moral standing instead of doubting, guilt, anger and moral disarray like most of my peers.
God is good. God is good even when I fail to show you that. Just remember, above all, all I want you to know, to remember, to cherish and take to heart is that God is good.